Final Reflection

Through my leadership classes I have learned a new way of looking back on my educational experiences and discovering the most meaningful aspects of them. The reflections I have done for all of my classes have been an integral part of this journey. The most significant changes I have made comes from the knowledge I have learned about myself and the new found ability to apply it to all areas of life. It has been a journey of self-actualization that will allow me to reach my fullest potential.

"What a man can be, he must be. This need we may call self-actualization…It refers to the desire for self-fulfillment, namely, to the tendency for him to become actualized in what he is potentially. This tendency might be phrased as the desire to become more and more what one is, to become everything that one is capable of becoming."   Abraham Maslow

Does mediation really help?

Success lies partly in the mediator's skills, but also with the readiness of the parties. If someone is bent on keeping conflict going, even the most obvious solutions will not work. If everyone wants to see a conflict end, mediation can be a graceful and efficient way to do so. (The Mediator's Handbook, Jennifer Beer with Eileen Stief)

Solving the Problem

A mediator can help solve the problem by:

Taking notes

Asking the right questions

Negotiating terms

Being aware of interests

Understanding positions

Seeing mediatable issues

Reframing words

Eliciting ideas

Exploring Alternatives

Testing for agreement

Developing sample agreements

Recognizing when no resolution is in sight

Controlling the Process

A mediator controlls the process by:

Directing

Knowing when to intervene

Setting boundaries and groundrules

Summarizing

Restating

Confronting

Protecting

Knowing when to quit

Handling things when they get out of control

Supporting the People

As a mediator you Support the People by

Giving good attention

Acknowledging

Setting a tone

Encouraging

Meeting group needs

Using simple language

Understanding language and hearing difficulties

Having confidentiality in practice

Staying impartial

Understanding cultural patterns

Handling emotionally difficult situations

Mediator's Toolbox

3 kinds of Tools

• Supporting the People
• Controlling the Process
• Solving the Problem

Knowing your tools for each side of the triangle gives you a variety of options in any given moment!

The Conflict Triangle

The Conflict Triangle sorts the spiral element into three categories.

These give mediators a basic framework for assessing the conflict.

People – Every conflict involves personalities, emotions, and a history of relationships.
Process – Intentionally of not, parties take actions which intensify, ease, spread, or resolve a conflict.
Problem – Every conflict has substance – the concerns and needs that are the cause or focus for the dispute.

Any lasting resolution must engage all three sides of the conflict.

Trust the Process

The Anatomy of a Mediation Session

Opening Statement

Uninterrupted Time

The Exchange

Setting the Agenda

Building the Agreement

Writing the Agreement

Closing Statement

Mediation

Mediation is any process for resolving disputes in which another person helps the parties negotiate a settlement. Mediation is useful in a wide variety of conflicts, particularly in the aftermath of an incident, at the point when emotions have eased enough that the parties can begin to negotiate. (The Mediator's Handbook, Jennifer E. Beer with Eileen Stief)

"You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist." Golda Meir and Indira Gandhi

From Adversaries to Partners

The sequence of the steps is important. You cannot defuse the other side's negative emotions unless you have controlled your own. It is hard to build them a golden bridge unless you have changed the game to joint problem-solving. This does not mean that once you have taken one step, you have completed it. On the contrary, you need to keep going to the balcony throughout the negotiation. As the other side's anger and frustration resurface, you need to keep stepping to their side. The process is like a symphony in which the different instruments join in sequentially and then play their parts throughout. (Getting Past No, page 13) 
Since reading this book, I have used these steps several times in my personal life. The ones that has been the most successful for me so far is going to the balcony and stepping to their side. These steps have made a huge difference in the way I handle conflict.

"Do I not destroy my enemies when I make them my friends?"  Abraham Lincoln

Step 5 - Use Power to Educate

Despite your best efforts, the other side may still refuse to cooperate, believing they can beat you at the power game. You may be tempted at this point to escalate. Threats and coercion often backfire, however, and lead to costly and futile battles. The alternative is to use power not to escalate, but to educate. Enhance your negotiating power and use it to bring them back to the table. Show them that they cannot win by themselves but only together with you. (Getting Past No, page 13)

"The best general is the one who never fights."  Sun Tzu

Step 4 - Build Them a Golden Bridge

While you many now have engaged the other side in joint problem-solving, you may still be far from reaching a mutually satisfactory agreement. The other side may be dissatisfied, unconvinced of the benefits of agreement. You may feel like pushing them, but this will only make them more resistant. So do the opposite. In the words of the Chinese sage, "build a golden bridge" from their position to a mutually satisfactory solution. You need to bridge the gap between their interests and yours. You need to help them save face and make the outcome look like a victory for them. (Getting Past No, page 12)

"Build your opponent a golden bridge to retreat across."  Sun Tzu

Step 3 - Reframe

Now you want to tackle the problem together. This is hard to do, however, when the other side digs into their position and tries to get you to give in. It's natural to feel like rejecting their position, but this will only lead them to dig in further. So do the opposite. Accept whatever they say and reframe it as an attempt to deal with the problem. For example, take their position and probe behind it: "Tell me more. Help me understand why you want that." Act as if they were your partners genuinely interested in solving the problem. (Getting Past No, page 12)

"Craft against vice I will apply."  William Shakespeare, Measure for Measure

Step 2 - Step to Their Side

The next barrier for you to overcome is the other side's negative emotions - their defensiveness, fear, suspicion, and hostility. It is all too easy to get drawn into an argument, but you need to resist this temptation. Just as you've regained your mental balance, you need to help the other side regain theirs. To create the right climate for joint problem-solving, you need to defuse their negative emotions. To do this, you need to do the opposite of what they expect. They expect you to behave like an adversary. Instead, you should take their side by listening to them, acknowledging their points and their feelings, agreeing with them, and showing them respect. (Getting Past No, page 12)

"Rarely is it advisable to meet prejudices and passions head on. Instead, it is best to appear to conform to them in order to gain time to combat them. One must know how to sail with a contrary wind and to tack until one meets a wind in the right direction."  Fortune de Felice, 1778

Step 1 - Go to the Balcony

Since the first barrier is your natural reaction, the first step involves suspending that reaction. To engage in joint problem-solving, you need to regain your mental balance and stay focused on achieving what you want. A useful image for getting perspective on the situation is to imagine yourself standing on a balcony looking down on your negotiation. (Getting Past No, page 11)

"Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret."  Ambrose Bierce

Breaking Through Barriers To Cooperation

In his book, "Getting Past No",  William Ury presents a 5 step plan for negotiation. Step 1 is Go to the Balcony, Step 2 is Step to Their Side, Step 3 is Reframe, Step 4 is Build Them a Golden Bridge, and Step 5 is to Use Power to Educate.

With these steps you can stay in control under pressure, defuse anger and hostility, find out what the other side really wants, counter dirty tricks, use power to bring the other side back to the table, and reach agreements that satisfy both sides' needs.

"Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else have your way." Daniele Vare

The Three Conversations

1. The what happened conversation - right/wrong, impact/intent, and blame
2. The feelings conversation -  reframe to the problem, don't evaluate just share, and express the full spectrum.
3. The identity conversation - feelings of self: am I competent, am I a good person, am I worthy of love?

Our goal in conflict resolution is the Learning Conversation.

The Difficult Conversation

There are three inherent challenges of  difficult conversation:

• The situation is more complex than any one person can see.
• The situation is emotionally charged.
• The situation threatens important aspects of your identity: your self-image and your psychological foundation.

Ladder of Inference

There are three sides to every conflict - mine, yours, and what really happened. If you want to make a difference in the way you handle conflict learn to start with their side, their conclusions, their interpretations and their observations.

Thomas-Kilmann

How do you respond to situations? The Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument is designed to assess this mix of conflict-handling modes.  http://www.kilmann.com/conflict.html

Figure out how to use these responses to conflict -

doing so helps to create positive resolutions!

Hot Buttons

Hot buttons are situations or behaviors that can upset individuals

enough to cause them to overreact in destructive ways.

(Runde and Flanagan p. 42)

Know Your Hot Buttons

Understanding our own hot buttons can help us avoid getting thrown off balance. We will be more aware when someone's behavior becomes irritating so we can cool down before saying or doing something we might later regret. (Runde and Flanagan p. 43)

Check out this hot button survey - http://www.conflictdynamics.org/

Responses to Conflict

	Constructive	Destructive
Active	Perspective taking Creating solutions Expressing emotions Reaching out	Winning at all costs Displaying anger Demeaning others Retaliating
Passive	Reflective thinking Delay responding Adapting	Avoiding Yielding Hiding Emotions Self-criticizing

I Statements

According to Ohio Commission on Dispute Resolution & Conflict Management, an I-statement has four parts:

1. “I feel like___ (taking responsibility for one's own feelings)
2. “I don't like it when__ ” (stating the behavior that is a problem)
3. “because____” (what it is about the behavior or its consequences that one objects to)
4. “Can we work this out together?” (be open to working on the problem together)

According to Hope E. Morrow, a common pitfall in I-statement construction is using phrases like "I feel that..." or "I like that..." which typically express an opinion or judgment. Morrow favors following "I feel..." with a feeling such as "sad," "angry," etc.

Types of Conflict

Behaviors

In conflict we have constructive behaviors and destructive behaviors.

Constructive behavior includes perspective taking, creating solutions, expressing emotions, reaching out, reflective thinking, delay responding, and adapting.

Destructive behavior includes winning at all costs, displaying anger, demeaning others, retaliating, avoiding, yielding, hiding emotions, and self criticizing.

“In a conflict, being willing to change allows you to move from a point of view to a viewing point -- a higher, more expansive place, from which you can see both sides.”
Thomas Crum

Conflict

Conflict is

any situation in which interdependent people

 have apparently incompatible interests, goals, principles or feelings.

Community Project

Tonopah Community Gardens  www.tonopahcommunitygarden.org

What a great day! We had worked all semester at being a group and doing something spectacular for the community. We accomplished our goals by applying all the we learned in our leadership class.

Transformational Leadership

Transformational leadership is when you motivate people to motivate themselves.

It is when the leader works with members to create vision.

Transformational leadership is important because it increases performance and provides long term satisfaction. The employees have a higher commitment, have more trust in their leaders, and are more satisfied with the group.

Other Key Points

It takes a lot to be an exemplary leader.

You need to be able to strength others.

The paradox of power is that you become more powerful

when you give your power away.

You need to recognize contributions and expect the best.
Did you know when you have high expectations it leads to high performance?

And how do you recognize those contributions?

        

Step-by-step

By breaking down to small, doable actions we progress step-by-step

and it is hard to argue against success!

"You do big things by doing a lot of small things."

Enlisting Others

How do we enlist others?

We appeal to common ideas by:

• connecting to what's meaningful to others
• take pride in being unique
• align your dream with the people's dream.

We also animate the vision by:

• using symbolic language
• make images of the future
• practice positive communication
• express emotions
• speak from the heart

"You have to paint a powerfully compelling picture of the future

 for people to want to align with the vision" Vicky Ngo-Roberti

Clarify Values

I truly believe that becoming a good leader is really about finding yourself and knowing what is important to you. You must know what you care about in order to get others to follow you. One of lessons was to list our values and then get with our group and find out which values we shared. As we worked through the exercise we came up with our shared value. Once we established those we had a much easier time reaching our goals.

As the book states,

"Shared values make a significant positive difference in work attitudes and performance."

Qualities of a leader

What do people look for in a leader?

Honest - worthy of trust
     Forward looking - sense of direction
          Inspiring - enthusiastic, energetic, positive
               Competent - relevant experience, sound judgement

Five Practices of Exemplary Leadeship

"Leadership is ultimately about creating a way for people to contribute to making something extraordinary happen." Alan Keithk, Genentech

Leadership can happen anywhere and at anytime and there are five practices of exemplary leadership. When we model the way we clarify values and set the example. To inspire a vision is to envision the future and enlist others. When we challenge the process we search for opportunities, experiment and take risks. By enabling others we foster collaboration and strengthen others. By encouraging the heart we recognize contributions and celebrate the values and victories.

Community Service

Arbor Day - April 28, 2011

What a great experience this was.

We helped market the event, helped with registration at the event,

and planted two trees. Now every time I walk by that section of the UNLV campus, I will remember when I plugged into the community and did something meaningful.



Being of Service

"The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others."  Mahatma Gandhi

Ways to be of service:

Volunteering - performing service with no pay
Community service - individuals/organization that provide service to benefit the community
Service learning - 1. learn background information (educational) 2. do meaningful community service 3. reflection
Civic engagement - indentifying and addressing a public concern (acting on heighten sense of responsibility to ones community).
Social justice - distribution of advantages and disadvantages within a society; putting everyone on the same level and providing same opportunity.

Wellnes Wheel

Wellness is a Journey, not a Destination

To have balance in my life it is important to know myself.



Wellness is defined by Merriam Webster as “a state of being in good health especially as an actively sought goal” (www.m-w.com).  We often only consider physical health when deciding whether or not someone is “well.”  Eating nutritiously and exercising are necessary for a healthy lifestyle, but they make up just a part of total wellness.  Wellness has several components, and it is often depicted as a wheel with several spokes.  The  wellness wheel depicted at the bottom has seven spokes: physical, mental, spiritual, career, social, family, and financial.  If areas (spokes) of the one’s wellness are under developed or neglected, the “wheel” (i.e. wellness) will be off balance.  Wellness is when there is a degree of balance among the areas.  What one considers “optimal wellness” is based on their needs, experiences, and circumstances.  As we go through life’s challenges and joys, the different aspects of wellness will fall in and out of balance and may need more attention than other areas.  

http://www.wright.edu/administration/wellness/wellnesswheel.htm

Transistion

Change + Human Beings = Transition

Often people are more resistant to transition than change.

There are 7 principles for dealing with transition

1. Positive Visioning
2. Help People Access Good Information and Trust Them to Make Good Decisions
3. Inclusion and Openness
4. Enable Sharing and Networking
5. Build Resilience
6. Inner and Outer Transition
7. Subsidiarity: self‐organization and decision making at the appropriate level

http://transitionus.org/initiatives/7-principles

Change

Many people resist change and are fearful that change will negatively affect them. Life change is difficult because it impact one's roles, relationships, routines, and assumptions about oneself. The single most important factor to managing change successfully is the degree to which people demonstrate resilience: the capacity to absorb high levels of change while displaying minimal dysfunctional behavior.

How can we better handle change?
Here are four resources:

• understand the situation - how you feel about the change or the timing of the change
• understand yourself - how you view change and your previous history of change
• find support - reach out to others and find resources that be of assistance
• find strategies for coping - find ways to proactively engage the change

Diversity

"We all should know that diversity makes for a rich tapestry, and we must understand that all the threads of the tapestry are equal in value no matter what their color."  Maya Angelou

Diversity comes in many forms - age, learning and physical abilities, gender, sexual orientation.

Education about diversity can

• Increase problem solving skills through different perspectives applied to reaching solutions.
• Increase positive relationships through achievement of common goals, respect, appreciation of common goals, respect, and commitment to equality.
• Decrease stereotyping and prejudice through contact and interaction with diverse individuals.
• Promote the development of a more in-depth view of the world.

Living Our Identities

Knowing how you indentify yourself is instrumental in how you deal with others. This and other meaning-making frameworks challenge us as educators to question and analyze what we believe we know and how this is reflected in the present work we do with students on a daily basis.(http://www.myacpa.org/) Understanding multiple identities will help to create a more inclusive learning environment and help me to understand the importance of attending to possible tensions that may build between multiracial communities and how to balance that with the individual needs of students.

Altruism

Paying it forward is lending a helping hand to someone in need.
Its making a huge difference by doing something small.
It's leaving the world a better place than you found it.

• Be aware of an opportunity
• Be present
• Participate
• Be comfortable with the uncomfortable
• Be open minded, accepting, and respectful

Because 1 good deed can turn into 3

And 3 good deeds can turn into 9.

And 9 good deeds can turn into a movement.

http://www.donovannichols.com/Site/Pay_It_Forward.html

Tuckman's Model of Group Development

Forming....Storming....Norming....Performing....Adjourning



Delegation

Leadership and Delegation

When a leader delegates they increase efficiency by putting in the same amount of time but getting more output. Delegating creates peer mentorship and saves time in the long run. There are two kinds of delegation: stewardship and gofer. Stewardship focuses on results. Gofer is having someone "go for this".

"Surround yourself with the best people you can find, delegate authority, and don't interfere a long as the policy you've decided upon is being carried out."  - Ronald Reagan

Time Management

Time Management is about setting boundaries.

Aspects of Time Management

Prioritize, Clarify Values, Compare Worth, Set Goals

Prioritize - what order

          Clarify Values - where do you want to spend your time

                    Compare Worth - of the activity to the value

                              Set Goals - long term, immediate and short term

To set boundaries sometimes you have to say no.

A great way to do that is to say "I would prefer not to".



Setting the tone

Tone demands that leaders provide structure, clarify norms,

build cohesiveness, and promote standards of excellence.

When you set a tone,

you help group member perform at their highest level.

By providing structure you create a blueprint for work, communicate goals (give a sense of direction), provide synergy (that's when the group outcome is greater than the sum of the individual contributions) and identify how each member uniquely contributes to the whole.

Norms are the rules of behavior that are established and shared by group members.They also play a major role in the performance and effectiveness of groups. Norms tell us what is appropriate or not and are the outcome of people interacting with each other and with the leader.

When a leader builds cohesiveness they create a sense of "we-ness".

Cohesiveness is the cement that holds the group together.

Six factors to promoting standards of excellence:

1. What do group members need to know and what skill they need to acquire.
2. How much initiative and effort they need to demonstrate.
3. How group members are expected to treat one another.
4. The extent to which deadlines are significant.
5. What goals they need to achieve.
6. What the consequences are if they achieve or fail to achieve these goals.





Creating a Vision

There are five characteristics of a vision:

a picture, a change, values, a map, and a challenge.

You need to be able to articulate and implement your vision.

"We are limited, not by our abilities, but by our vision."

Developing Leadership Skills

Core Leadership Skills

Administrative, Interpersonal, and Conceptual

Administrative skills include managing people, recruitment and retention of employees, communicating effectively, managing resources, and showing technical competence.

Interpersonal skills include being socially perceptive, showing emotional intelligence, and handling conflict.

Conceptual Skills include problem solving, strategic planning, and creating a vision.

 

Core Values

There can be no happiness if the things we believe in are different from the things we do.  Freya Stark

My core values are family and integrity.

Values are ideas, beliefs or modes of action that people find worthwhile or desirable. As a leader, you should be faithful to your values and sensitive to your followers. You should pay attention to who you are, what you do, what goals you seek, your honesty, the way you use your power and your values.

Leadership Styles

There are three leadership styles - authoritarian, democratic and laissez-faire.

Authoritarian -
This style is used when leaders tell their employees what they want done and how they want it accomplished, without getting the advice of their followers. Some of the appropriate conditions to use it is when you have all the information to solve the problem, you are short on time, and your employees are well motivated.

Democratice -
This style involves the leader including one or more employees in the decision making process (determining what to do and how to do it). However, the leader maintains the final decision making authority. Using this style is not a sign of weakness, rather it is a sign of strength that your employees will respect.

Laissez-faire -
In this style, the leader allows the employees to make the decisions. However, the leader is still responsible for the decisions that are made. This is used when employees are able to analyze the situation and determine what needs to be done and how to do it. You cannot do everything! You must set priorities and delegate certain tasks.

My leadership style - democratic

"The growth and development of people is the highest calling of leadership." Harvey S. Firestone

Philosphy

McGregor's Theory X and Theory Y are two contrasting models of workforce motivation. They are theories of human motivations created and developed by Douglas McGregor in 1960. McGregor's Theory X states people dislike to work, need direction and control, and need security not responsibility. McGregor's Theory Y states people like to work, they are self motivated, and the accept and seek responsibility.

Philosophy are ideas you have about human nature that affect your leadership style.

My Style - McGregor's Theory Y

Day One

Learning to become a leader has proven to be lessons on  learning about myself. I always thought I was a leader - I have been involved in my community on many levels for the past 20 years. From volunteering to owning my own small business, I truly had the perception that I was a "leader". From the first day I started to earn the Leadership and Civic Engagement Minor I found myself on a journey of self discovery that has enriched my life more than I ever expected.

"Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself." George Bernard Shaw