The Three Conversations

1. The what happened conversation - right/wrong, impact/intent, and blame
2. The feelings conversation -  reframe to the problem, don't evaluate just share, and express the full spectrum.
3. The identity conversation - feelings of self: am I competent, am I a good person, am I worthy of love?

Our goal in conflict resolution is the Learning Conversation.

The Difficult Conversation

There are three inherent challenges of  difficult conversation:

• The situation is more complex than any one person can see.
• The situation is emotionally charged.
• The situation threatens important aspects of your identity: your self-image and your psychological foundation.

Ladder of Inference

There are three sides to every conflict - mine, yours, and what really happened. If you want to make a difference in the way you handle conflict learn to start with their side, their conclusions, their interpretations and their observations.

Thomas-Kilmann

How do you respond to situations? The Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument is designed to assess this mix of conflict-handling modes.  http://www.kilmann.com/conflict.html

Figure out how to use these responses to conflict -

doing so helps to create positive resolutions!

Hot Buttons

Hot buttons are situations or behaviors that can upset individuals

enough to cause them to overreact in destructive ways.

(Runde and Flanagan p. 42)

Know Your Hot Buttons

Understanding our own hot buttons can help us avoid getting thrown off balance. We will be more aware when someone's behavior becomes irritating so we can cool down before saying or doing something we might later regret. (Runde and Flanagan p. 43)

Check out this hot button survey - http://www.conflictdynamics.org/

Responses to Conflict

	Constructive	Destructive
Active	Perspective taking Creating solutions Expressing emotions Reaching out	Winning at all costs Displaying anger Demeaning others Retaliating
Passive	Reflective thinking Delay responding Adapting	Avoiding Yielding Hiding Emotions Self-criticizing

I Statements

According to Ohio Commission on Dispute Resolution & Conflict Management, an I-statement has four parts:

1. “I feel like___ (taking responsibility for one's own feelings)
2. “I don't like it when__ ” (stating the behavior that is a problem)
3. “because____” (what it is about the behavior or its consequences that one objects to)
4. “Can we work this out together?” (be open to working on the problem together)

According to Hope E. Morrow, a common pitfall in I-statement construction is using phrases like "I feel that..." or "I like that..." which typically express an opinion or judgment. Morrow favors following "I feel..." with a feeling such as "sad," "angry," etc.

Types of Conflict

Behaviors

In conflict we have constructive behaviors and destructive behaviors.

Constructive behavior includes perspective taking, creating solutions, expressing emotions, reaching out, reflective thinking, delay responding, and adapting.

Destructive behavior includes winning at all costs, displaying anger, demeaning others, retaliating, avoiding, yielding, hiding emotions, and self criticizing.

“In a conflict, being willing to change allows you to move from a point of view to a viewing point -- a higher, more expansive place, from which you can see both sides.”
Thomas Crum

Conflict

Conflict is

any situation in which interdependent people

 have apparently incompatible interests, goals, principles or feelings.

Community Project

Tonopah Community Gardens  www.tonopahcommunitygarden.org

What a great day! We had worked all semester at being a group and doing something spectacular for the community. We accomplished our goals by applying all the we learned in our leadership class.

Transformational Leadership

Transformational leadership is when you motivate people to motivate themselves.

It is when the leader works with members to create vision.

Transformational leadership is important because it increases performance and provides long term satisfaction. The employees have a higher commitment, have more trust in their leaders, and are more satisfied with the group.

Other Key Points

It takes a lot to be an exemplary leader.

You need to be able to strength others.

The paradox of power is that you become more powerful

when you give your power away.

You need to recognize contributions and expect the best.
Did you know when you have high expectations it leads to high performance?

And how do you recognize those contributions?

        

Step-by-step

By breaking down to small, doable actions we progress step-by-step

and it is hard to argue against success!

"You do big things by doing a lot of small things."

Enlisting Others

How do we enlist others?

We appeal to common ideas by:

• connecting to what's meaningful to others
• take pride in being unique
• align your dream with the people's dream.

We also animate the vision by:

• using symbolic language
• make images of the future
• practice positive communication
• express emotions
• speak from the heart

"You have to paint a powerfully compelling picture of the future

 for people to want to align with the vision" Vicky Ngo-Roberti

Clarify Values

I truly believe that becoming a good leader is really about finding yourself and knowing what is important to you. You must know what you care about in order to get others to follow you. One of lessons was to list our values and then get with our group and find out which values we shared. As we worked through the exercise we came up with our shared value. Once we established those we had a much easier time reaching our goals.

As the book states,

"Shared values make a significant positive difference in work attitudes and performance."

Qualities of a leader

What do people look for in a leader?

Honest - worthy of trust
     Forward looking - sense of direction
          Inspiring - enthusiastic, energetic, positive
               Competent - relevant experience, sound judgement

Five Practices of Exemplary Leadeship

"Leadership is ultimately about creating a way for people to contribute to making something extraordinary happen." Alan Keithk, Genentech

Leadership can happen anywhere and at anytime and there are five practices of exemplary leadership. When we model the way we clarify values and set the example. To inspire a vision is to envision the future and enlist others. When we challenge the process we search for opportunities, experiment and take risks. By enabling others we foster collaboration and strengthen others. By encouraging the heart we recognize contributions and celebrate the values and victories.

Community Service

Arbor Day - April 28, 2011

What a great experience this was.

We helped market the event, helped with registration at the event,

and planted two trees. Now every time I walk by that section of the UNLV campus, I will remember when I plugged into the community and did something meaningful.



Being of Service

"The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others."  Mahatma Gandhi

Ways to be of service:

Volunteering - performing service with no pay
Community service - individuals/organization that provide service to benefit the community
Service learning - 1. learn background information (educational) 2. do meaningful community service 3. reflection
Civic engagement - indentifying and addressing a public concern (acting on heighten sense of responsibility to ones community).
Social justice - distribution of advantages and disadvantages within a society; putting everyone on the same level and providing same opportunity.

Wellnes Wheel

Wellness is a Journey, not a Destination

To have balance in my life it is important to know myself.



Wellness is defined by Merriam Webster as “a state of being in good health especially as an actively sought goal” (www.m-w.com).  We often only consider physical health when deciding whether or not someone is “well.”  Eating nutritiously and exercising are necessary for a healthy lifestyle, but they make up just a part of total wellness.  Wellness has several components, and it is often depicted as a wheel with several spokes.  The  wellness wheel depicted at the bottom has seven spokes: physical, mental, spiritual, career, social, family, and financial.  If areas (spokes) of the one’s wellness are under developed or neglected, the “wheel” (i.e. wellness) will be off balance.  Wellness is when there is a degree of balance among the areas.  What one considers “optimal wellness” is based on their needs, experiences, and circumstances.  As we go through life’s challenges and joys, the different aspects of wellness will fall in and out of balance and may need more attention than other areas.  

http://www.wright.edu/administration/wellness/wellnesswheel.htm

Transistion

Change + Human Beings = Transition

Often people are more resistant to transition than change.

There are 7 principles for dealing with transition

1. Positive Visioning
2. Help People Access Good Information and Trust Them to Make Good Decisions
3. Inclusion and Openness
4. Enable Sharing and Networking
5. Build Resilience
6. Inner and Outer Transition
7. Subsidiarity: self‐organization and decision making at the appropriate level

http://transitionus.org/initiatives/7-principles

Change

Many people resist change and are fearful that change will negatively affect them. Life change is difficult because it impact one's roles, relationships, routines, and assumptions about oneself. The single most important factor to managing change successfully is the degree to which people demonstrate resilience: the capacity to absorb high levels of change while displaying minimal dysfunctional behavior.

How can we better handle change?
Here are four resources:

• understand the situation - how you feel about the change or the timing of the change
• understand yourself - how you view change and your previous history of change
• find support - reach out to others and find resources that be of assistance
• find strategies for coping - find ways to proactively engage the change

Diversity

"We all should know that diversity makes for a rich tapestry, and we must understand that all the threads of the tapestry are equal in value no matter what their color."  Maya Angelou

Diversity comes in many forms - age, learning and physical abilities, gender, sexual orientation.

Education about diversity can

• Increase problem solving skills through different perspectives applied to reaching solutions.
• Increase positive relationships through achievement of common goals, respect, appreciation of common goals, respect, and commitment to equality.
• Decrease stereotyping and prejudice through contact and interaction with diverse individuals.
• Promote the development of a more in-depth view of the world.

Living Our Identities

Knowing how you indentify yourself is instrumental in how you deal with others. This and other meaning-making frameworks challenge us as educators to question and analyze what we believe we know and how this is reflected in the present work we do with students on a daily basis.(http://www.myacpa.org/) Understanding multiple identities will help to create a more inclusive learning environment and help me to understand the importance of attending to possible tensions that may build between multiracial communities and how to balance that with the individual needs of students.

Altruism

Paying it forward is lending a helping hand to someone in need.
Its making a huge difference by doing something small.
It's leaving the world a better place than you found it.

• Be aware of an opportunity
• Be present
• Participate
• Be comfortable with the uncomfortable
• Be open minded, accepting, and respectful

Because 1 good deed can turn into 3

And 3 good deeds can turn into 9.

And 9 good deeds can turn into a movement.

http://www.donovannichols.com/Site/Pay_It_Forward.html

Tuckman's Model of Group Development

Forming....Storming....Norming....Performing....Adjourning



Delegation

Leadership and Delegation

When a leader delegates they increase efficiency by putting in the same amount of time but getting more output. Delegating creates peer mentorship and saves time in the long run. There are two kinds of delegation: stewardship and gofer. Stewardship focuses on results. Gofer is having someone "go for this".

"Surround yourself with the best people you can find, delegate authority, and don't interfere a long as the policy you've decided upon is being carried out."  - Ronald Reagan

Time Management

Time Management is about setting boundaries.

Aspects of Time Management

Prioritize, Clarify Values, Compare Worth, Set Goals

Prioritize - what order

          Clarify Values - where do you want to spend your time

                    Compare Worth - of the activity to the value

                              Set Goals - long term, immediate and short term

To set boundaries sometimes you have to say no.

A great way to do that is to say "I would prefer not to".



Setting the tone

Tone demands that leaders provide structure, clarify norms,

build cohesiveness, and promote standards of excellence.

When you set a tone,

you help group member perform at their highest level.

By providing structure you create a blueprint for work, communicate goals (give a sense of direction), provide synergy (that's when the group outcome is greater than the sum of the individual contributions) and identify how each member uniquely contributes to the whole.

Norms are the rules of behavior that are established and shared by group members.They also play a major role in the performance and effectiveness of groups. Norms tell us what is appropriate or not and are the outcome of people interacting with each other and with the leader.

When a leader builds cohesiveness they create a sense of "we-ness".

Cohesiveness is the cement that holds the group together.

Six factors to promoting standards of excellence:

1. What do group members need to know and what skill they need to acquire.
2. How much initiative and effort they need to demonstrate.
3. How group members are expected to treat one another.
4. The extent to which deadlines are significant.
5. What goals they need to achieve.
6. What the consequences are if they achieve or fail to achieve these goals.





Creating a Vision

There are five characteristics of a vision:

a picture, a change, values, a map, and a challenge.

You need to be able to articulate and implement your vision.

"We are limited, not by our abilities, but by our vision."

Developing Leadership Skills

Core Leadership Skills

Administrative, Interpersonal, and Conceptual

Administrative skills include managing people, recruitment and retention of employees, communicating effectively, managing resources, and showing technical competence.

Interpersonal skills include being socially perceptive, showing emotional intelligence, and handling conflict.

Conceptual Skills include problem solving, strategic planning, and creating a vision.

 

Core Values

There can be no happiness if the things we believe in are different from the things we do.  Freya Stark

My core values are family and integrity.

Values are ideas, beliefs or modes of action that people find worthwhile or desirable. As a leader, you should be faithful to your values and sensitive to your followers. You should pay attention to who you are, what you do, what goals you seek, your honesty, the way you use your power and your values.

Leadership Styles

There are three leadership styles - authoritarian, democratic and laissez-faire.

Authoritarian -
This style is used when leaders tell their employees what they want done and how they want it accomplished, without getting the advice of their followers. Some of the appropriate conditions to use it is when you have all the information to solve the problem, you are short on time, and your employees are well motivated.

Democratice -
This style involves the leader including one or more employees in the decision making process (determining what to do and how to do it). However, the leader maintains the final decision making authority. Using this style is not a sign of weakness, rather it is a sign of strength that your employees will respect.

Laissez-faire -
In this style, the leader allows the employees to make the decisions. However, the leader is still responsible for the decisions that are made. This is used when employees are able to analyze the situation and determine what needs to be done and how to do it. You cannot do everything! You must set priorities and delegate certain tasks.

My leadership style - democratic

"The growth and development of people is the highest calling of leadership." Harvey S. Firestone

Philosphy

McGregor's Theory X and Theory Y are two contrasting models of workforce motivation. They are theories of human motivations created and developed by Douglas McGregor in 1960. McGregor's Theory X states people dislike to work, need direction and control, and need security not responsibility. McGregor's Theory Y states people like to work, they are self motivated, and the accept and seek responsibility.

Philosophy are ideas you have about human nature that affect your leadership style.

My Style - McGregor's Theory Y